Organization XIII Stories
by Acolyte of Link
Summary: A bunch of funny stories that are about Organization XIII. Chapter Three is up now, some nosy nobodies find shocking blackmail on one of the members. Yeah, I'm not dead, it's been awhile since I have posted, heh.
1. Glue Switcheroo

I know, it's short, but I'll try to make the next chapter longer. Pwease read and review. I love the Organization they is the awesome!

Chapter 1

Turning Shampoo, Into Glue

Being bored was very common in The Castle That Never Was, especially for three of the inhabitants. The three, Axel, Roxas, and Demyx, with Demyx being bored all the time unless he was "fun". The problem was every time he did something that was fun, it always ended up annoying every other Organization member and/or causing a chain reaction of chaotic events. Take the big fun service project from last week, surprising Marluxia by weeding and watering his garden in the courtyard. Well, let's just leave it at flowers don't live when one floods a field for water and, if helping Marluxia, make sure you aren't picking anything besides a week. Demyx was lucky to still have his head, and the rest of his body after that, for the record Marluxia's scythe was quite sharp.

Demyx poked his head out the door to make sure Marluxia wasn't anywhere near, which would be rare seeing as he never came out of his room.

"Marluxia isn't here Demyx, get out here and come with Roxas and I," Axel said making Demyx fall backwards. "You are so uncoordinated." Axel laughed at Demyx as he got up.

"What are you two up to anyways?" Demyx asked Axel following him to Roxas's room and tiptoeing across the stretch of hall where Marluxia's room was. Axel stomped on the ground. Loud at that. Demyx ran down the rest of the hall and left Axel behind laughing his ass off in the middle of the hallway.

"Demyx, if you're out there, so help your ass!" Marluxia yelled brandishing his scythe out the door and saw Axel. "What's so funny!" he demanded but Axel shook his head laughing and walked into Roxas's room.

"Hey Axel," Roxas shouted from his bed. Roxas's room was pretty much that of an average teenager. There was a television with a VCR/DVD built into it and also had his new video game system. A variety of CD's were also placed upon shelves and a bed was in line with the TV.

"Ready for the plan?" Axel asked Roxas and then Demyx jumped up.

"What plan?" Demyx asked. Well, he couldn't be mad, at least he was allowed to join in now.

"Shut up for a second and I'll tell you! Okay, you know how Lexaeus has that nasty smelling conditioner that he uses? Well, we are going to steal it, replace it with glue, and then put it back. The good thing is he can't hurt us because his hands will be stuck to his head! Sure, it's a classic, but I think it is perfect for the big oaf," Roxas said with a sense of accomplishment. Lexaeus was indeed an oaf.

Demyx looked at him funny, but it was simple enough, and Lexaeus was the biggest idiot in the group. _Heck, why not give it a shot. It should be easy enough, right?_

Axel pulled a bottle of glue out of his black cloak and tossed it up in the air and caught it. After Roxas snatched it, they were on their way. Hopefully, Lexaeus didn't have his tomahawk with him at all times.

Roxas switched the two around and just before he got out, Lexaeus walking in, in a bathrobe. Roxas felt his eye twitch and wished he had a rusty spork. (Splee! Eye gauging!)

"What is you doing in my…bathroom. That's it." Lexaeus's smarts were limited, too much muscle I'd guess.

"Err…uh. I was…getting some uh…water! Yeah, that's it, seeing as your bathroom was…close to the hall were I was watching and…um…I decided to get some?" Roxas said grabbing a cup and getting some water out of the sink praying his lie would work.

"Okay…Lexaeus needs shower." Roxas got out of there, not wanting to have to summon his two keyblades to gauge his eyes out from seeing Lexaeus naked. The horror! A robe was bad enough. "Bye then."

Axel high-fived him on the way out and the all hurriedly went back to Roxas's room snickering. Waiting, they played his PS2, Final Fantasy (I had to put it in ). What was taking Lexaeus so long to use their special shampoo? It had been and hour and a half and they decided to get something from the fridge. At the fridge, they saw Lexaeus, without his hands glued to his head! They even heard him take the shower!

"Lexaeus! You goddamned bastard! What the hell were you thinking, that this would be funny?" a familiar voice shouted down the hall and Lexaeus summoned his weapon. The voice belonged to half naked Marluxia, apparently who used the conditioner, go figure. "I have you hang on to my hair care products so the idiot Demyx doesn't tamper with them, and what do you do? You do it yourself!"

"Lexaeus no do anything with you nice smelly hair soap," Lexaeus said stomping his foot. Marluxia tried to get his scythe, but his poor hands were glued and he ripped out some of his hair and then started to freak out and scream and threw a tantrum. So, hegrabbed his scythe andattacked Lexaeus for making his rip his own hair out.

Meanwhile, our friends Roxas, Axel, and Demyx were cringing and twitching from seeing the half naked Marluxia. He may have liked them naked, but they sure as hell didn't like him like that. They ran away as fast as they feeling sick, but laughing their asses off all the way down the hall back to Roxas's room. (Spork)

Wasn't that great. XD I wish, well, if you like it, I'll write more. Byez. Sorry it was so short, I'll make the next one longer if I can!


	2. Xaldin's Secret

Chapter 2

Xaldin's Secret

Okay, so Marluxia had to go to his little salon thing for his hair, couldn't prank him. Luckily for Demyx, Roxas, and Axel, Lexaeus was blamed for the whole thing. He wasn't allowed to use the gym for two weeks, so he would probably be off in the Dark City bullying all the Dusks and the other lesser nobodies.

Meanwhile, Demyx and friends were bored. Again, like always.

"What is there to do now, seeing as we can't pick on the idiot, and yesterday, when we tried to help on old Vexen, we got in trouble," Roxas complained, even though that was usually Demyx's job. Roxas was right, they did get in trouble.

"All we did was try to help him out with his experiment! Besides, he only got a teensy tiny burn and it was technically his fault," Axel said with a smirk, which wasn't exactly the truth. Vexen did get burnt all right, but I wouldn't put in such terms as little. More like, his entire left side, not that is was anything more than first-degree sunburn, but Axel was right about it being his entire fault as well. He did want Axel to control the sun heat (a new power Axel pick up) so that he could try out a new type of sun block that could shield out any type of UV rays and keep out heat up to 270 degrees. As usual, his experiment didn't work as he planned, but did something quite unique. After sitting in the sun for six hours, Axel had the sun's rays on Vexen the whole time, his skin turned not red, but a deep green.

Flashback 

Xemnas was very mad at the three, seeing as Vexen had said that Axel did it on purpose, and, of course, Vexen being a long friend, won. Their punishments were, Axel lost his fire element for a week, Roxas lost his keyblades for a week and Demyx lost his Sitar for two weeks!

"That's not fair! I just got it back from trying to help Marluxia! And how come they only have one week and I have two!" Demyx complained loudly

"That's because nobody wants to hear you play that damn sitar! It gets very annoying after a while." Xemnas said and pushed the flailing Demyx out. "You two, out!"

End Flashback 

So, here they were with no powers, weapons, or instrumental weapons. What better to do than to nose around the castle? Now the only question left was whose room should they raid?

"Well, now whose room should we sneak into? I think we should sneak into Marluxia's; no one has ever been in there with the exception of Marluxia and Xemnas and he isn't home!" said Demyx excitedly.

"You are such a dumb ass Demyx!" Roxas shouted. "Marluxia would probably have some type of trap so if someone tried to get in would get…trapped!" He threw an awkwardly large shoe at his head.

"Ow! That hurt, and why the hell are your feet so goddamn large!" Demyx yelled back throwing the shoe back at Roxas.

"Guys! I just got an idea of whose room to go through!" Axel shouted while pulling Demyx and Roxas apart. "Let's go through Xaldin's room! I heard that he does something illegal in there."

So, with that decided, the trio, led by Axel, made their way down to Xaldin's room to see what he had inside. Roxas thought that it was some type of drugs, as did Demyx, but Axel being the oldest by a few years and having been there longer knew it was something even more secretive and most likely something stupid. As you can guess, he was right.

They were outside of Xaldin's room and they decided, unfairly, that Demyx would have to open the door.

"Why do I have to do it? It wasn't even my idea," he grumbled as he walked forward and grasped the knob.

When Demyx peeked inside, he almost died laughing and the fell on the floor. He couldn't believe it! Xaldin, of all Nobodies!

"What is it, idiot? A entire factory of illegal pot with a bunch of fairies working inside of it," asked Roxas anxiously. Apparently, it wasn't because Demyx could only keep giggling his odd giggle and point to the door.

Axel and Roxas shrugged and looked over at each other as to who should go forth and Axel decided for them. He pushed Roxas over in front of the door and Roxas let out a loud "Hey!" before looking into the room.

What Demyx was laughing at, Roxas couldn't figure out, but what he did see was very weird and didn't seem like Xaldin to it have in his room. There was a large tank with a huge window and it was filled with water. Did he have a pool? Where was Xaldin anyways?

"Hey guys! How do you like the big fishy tank?" came Xaldin's voice from the deck that was on the side of the large tank. He was dripping wet in a wet suit and had a snorkel on top of his head.

"What are you doing with that vat of water? Trying to be Demyx? Ha! Why are you calling it a fish tank?" Axel asked. Well, he did have a point. There were no fish in the water vat.

"Because there are two dolphins in here that I am getting trained of course!" Xaldin stated like they all should have known. Demyx giggled harder, why, this is unknown except to Demyx, and Axel's face dropped. Roxas just stood there and stared absent-mindedly at Xaldin.

"Why do you have dolphins," Roxas slowly said. What could he be doing with dolphins? This was something that was expected out of Demyx. Could he have a wish to train dolphins for an aquarium? Mutate them with help from Vexen.

"Well," he started looking around to make sure no one else heard. "Let's just say that I do some dealing with certain people, I got an offer up for one of them on e-bay for about ten thousand munny, you know." Demyx probably was peeing himself by now. Axel joined in the laughter, but Roxas, despite how weirded out he was by this saw a way to get their powers back. Or...maybe something more. Munny!

"I think we should tell Xemnas, to get our weapons and powers back. Unless you cut us in a slice of your e-bay money. Say about two thousand munny?" he haggled. With all that, they could get lots of anything!

"Never! Attack Shaquanda and Pink Cloud McFluff Fluff!" Xaldin yelled as the two dolphins rose out of the out of the water and screamed, "Kill him!" Both of them were black and had sharp fangs, and quite fast. That day, Roxas learned that he could run, and fast. After being chased around the castle and grounds, he found Axel and Demyx still laughing. "Burn in Hell you two!" he said and then went to his room.

Demyx's lesson: "Never try to haggle with Xaldin or strange things will attempt to kill you."


	3. What Was Found in the Closet

Okay Guys, I haven't updated this story in many months, so I decided, Hey, why not write some more to it? So I am. I got a Wii, and Zelda is just so fun to run around a kill things. is a sadistic pacifist I am also going to write this chapter from the point of view as my favourite member, Zexion. X3 Hope you like it!

**DISCLAIMER:** I don't own Kingdom Hearts, though I wish I did, or any of the Organization, which also sucks.

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Chapter 3

What Was Found In the Closet

Another boring day. Everyday here was boring, for everyone. Well, except one nobody that drives me and everyone else to the edge of an abyss. Who is that, you may ask. Demyx. Even without his Sitar, he found ways to annoy and pester people. His favourite target? Me.

"Hey! Zexy! Come on out, I got something that I have to show you!" yelled out a voice that I didn't want to hear and it was followed by a series of pounds on the door. Did I mention his excellent timing of annoyance, especially when you were trying to put him from your mind?

Setting down my book, I shuffled to the door, debating if it should be opened. "Stop murdering my door, or I'll murder you," I said loudly, having to speak over the slams. I grasped the handle and wrenched the door open. SLAM!

"Ow, you could have warned me that you were about to open it," whined Demyx from the floor, rubbing his forehead.

"I did, you just don't listen to anyone." He got back up to his feet and grabbed my wrist pulling me out of the room. I should've seen it coming.

"Would you let me go? Or do I have to put you through the wall?" I warned him and then kicked him off me. "Where are you taking me to anyways?" I asked, not sure if I wanted an answer. It's hard to tell which part of the castle you are in, when every wall is white and you live in basically endless halls and staircases. _We need elevators._

"To the Superior's room while he is away to that place," he excitedly chattered not even realizing where "that place" even was. I think he's insane.

"Are you insane? We can't go in there, if we like our non-existent lives! Geez, we'll be fed to Xaldin's evil possessed dolphins if we go in there," I yelled at him frantically! Quickly, I turned around, smelling a familiar scent, and hoping I didn't see Shaquanda or Pinkcloud McFluff-Fluff. I think Xaldin may have too overactive of an imagination.

"Axel, what are you doing here?" I asked suspiciously, knowing what he'd say in retort.

"I was about to ask you the same thing. Why are you two near Xemmy's room? Planning to break in?" Axel asked with a snicker. I had to think up a lie, and I had one that I was about to say, until…

"You bet! He's not here anyways, so we'd figure, why not have a peek? Wanna join us Axel!?" Demyx ranted. I could have took out any item, even air, and made it lethal at that point. _Damn you Demyx! You and your big fat mouth!_

"I'm in. I've been wondering what he keeps in there anyways. Don't even think about leaving Zexion, you don't' want to be blamed for something, do you?" Axel said menacingly. Dammit. I was at the edge of a cliff with my own sword turned on me. I had to take part in this idiotic behavior. Again, for the…nevermind.

"Whatever, just make this quick so we can leave soon and not get caught," I snapped at him, wish oh-so-badly that I could wipe that smirk off his face. Demyx opened the surprisingly unlocked door and we all entered into it and turned on the lights.

It was like no other room in the castle that Axel, Demyx, or I had seen and there was so much to describe. There were awnings of black and white, but mostly white, on the ceiling as if it were a cathedral. Hell, the whole room looked like a cathedral! The stained glass windows showed stories too happy for words and too sad to describe. Except a few near the bed, which would not make this room look like a place of god. I'll never think of certain things the same again. Well, anyways, the floor was stone, and had soft, red carpet in certain areas. Then, there was the bed. It looked so comfortable and soft, so much that if you laid on it, you'd be lost forever in a cloud that was surrounded by white doves.

"What the hell! Why does he get an awesome room like this on the top where everything in the city below, hell even in the next worlds can be seen! I want this!" Demyx yelled in jealousy. Axel smacked him hard in the back of the head.

"What do you expect when you're in charge of the joint! Of course he has the best room. Now let's spilt up and find something for blackmail." I rolled my eyes at Demyx's stupidity as I took off. I mean, can't he even get the obvious? He whimpered as he walked around in the opposite direction.

The only thing that any of us could find, besides the "naughty" windows, shudder, was a Barbie that said, "Like, Oh My God! I think Ken likes me," when you squeezed it and a vast assortment of tranquilizers, which explained why he always look tired and stoned. I should've guessed.

"Damn, we got nothing that will really get him! I mean, everyone knows that he had his "sleeping medication"," Axel yelled out as I hung my head embarrassedly.

"What about this place? We didn't check in here!" Demyx said hopefully as he pointed at a closet that I hadn't even noticed before.

"Where did that come from?" I asked starting to walk over to the place where Demyx was.

"Who knows, but as long as it has something good in it, I don't care!" Axel said, that fiery lust for excitement coming back to his eyes, I hate that look. Every time he gets it, I feel like something bad is going to happen.

We all stood at the door, waiting to see what would be there when we opened. Demyx's hand shook with excitement as he pulled the door all the way open, and he did it fast.

"What the hell…" Axel started to say and I peered over Demyx's shoulder and looked inside. I saw an easy bake oven in it with a tray on top, as if someone was getting ready to cook with what looked like a heart or liver on it. Way too creepy.

"Is…is that a…liver?" I asked stammering out of shock, and Axel burst into some of the loudest laughter, and the echoing didn't help, that any nobody ever heard. Demyx quickly followed suit. I realized that what they saw was not the internal organ, but something else.

"…" I couldn't think of anything to say in response to what was there. Pink, frilly, panties. Xaldin wore girl's underwear. My body joined the others on the floor shaking with laughter. "Oh my God, the Superior is almost as feminine as Marluxia! Axel you've found your blackmail!"

I think we had the most longest and spontaneous fits of laughter that have ever been. We had to get out, Xemnas would be here soon. "Okay guys, we got to leave, now. I can smell his scent at the bottom floor."

Axel shut the door and staggered out, his laughter had not ceased, and a pair of panties sticking out from his sleeve. I didn't want to know. Ever. After, we all ran quickly down to his room and shook with laughter.

"Wait a second! We forgot Demyx up there in the closet!" I shouted in sudden realization. I swear, if Axel could laugh harder, he did.

"I know…I…left him!" he said between the fits. Suddenly, I found this funny too, for all the times that he messed my day up.

"Poor Demyx, now he'll never get his Sitar back," I said with a sinister smile.

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I bet you want to know what happens next! Will Demyx get caught by Xemnas? Will his liver or other organ join the one in the closet? Well, I put it up in the next chapter, and I like writing from Zexion's point of view, what do you guys think? Please review. Do it not to get more story, because I'm not a whore like that, do it because you love me. I hope it doesn't take forever to write it, or want to.


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